Crinkles make it good

I am making baklava. I am actually sitting in the kitchen right now, just soaking in all the yummy smells seeping from the oven as it bakes.

Baking always reminds me how much I like to create. I like to make something, anything, things in general. There is a sense of accomplishment that I enjoy.

As I was making the baklava and reading all the comments, I came across one that I loved. I will paraphrase here. Don't worry about the fillo dough crinkling up. You aren't trying to make something that looks perfect, you are trying to makes something that is delicious and the crinkles are where all the flavor hides.

I loved it. How true! First, for baklava, my favorite parts are all crinkly! Second, for so many other things. All the "crinkles" in my life have definitely lent flavor.

"A water bearer in China had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it, while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water. At the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full. For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water to his house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do. After 2 years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself because this crack in my side causes water to leak all the way back to your house."

The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, and I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you've watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house." - Chinese Parable

I have missed you

I have missed you, my writing self.

It has been almost a year to the day since I last saw you on here and it feels good.

What has been happening in your life since we last met? Have you been reading? Baking? Laughing at your dog? Learning? Loving?

Ok, now that I am done with the attempts at being literary, here goes.

I have been reading. Some really excellent books this past year. Half of a Yellow Sun came on a recommendation from a new friend and it was spot on. I also highly recommend it. The author is Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. The Thieves of Manhattan by Adam Langer also stands out. Took me a few pages to get into it, and then wham. I was completely in. I love that, the feeling of being transported into another world by a book. Hmm, the Fourth Bear by Jasper Fforde, the second in his Jack Spratt series was as funny and well-written as the first (The Big Over Easy). And one slightly silly book that made me happy. Called The Lost Art of Keeping Secrets by Eva Rice. A little love story. Simple. Nothing earth shattering. But after reading a series of dense, serious books, it was refreshing. A palate cleanser if you will.

I haven't been baking nearly as much as I would like. Time seems to get away from now, and when the recipe calls for six hours, well... I hope to be more active soon. I have tried my hand at Angel Food cake (uses up the eggs!) and a souffle (note to self, use good cheese!) and those came out well.

Of course I have laughed at my dog. She is silly.

Learning oh so much. But really, that is a whole other post.

And I am trying to keep on loving. My family. My friends. Me.

"To live content with small means. To seek elegance rather than luxury, and refinement rather than fashion. To be worthy not respectable, and wealthy not rich. To listen to stars and birds and babes and sages with an open heart. To study hard, think quietly, act frankly, talk gently, await occasions. Never hurry. In a word, to let the spiritual, the unbidden and the unconscious rise up through the common. This is my symphony." - William Henry Channing

In a show!

There is a Web site called 43 Things that I used to spend quite a lot of time on.

It is basically a bucket list site. You list out 43 things you would like to do in your life. They range from the practical -- drink more water -- to the incredible -- fly with the Blue Angels -- to the fantastical -- dance with someone like Gene Kelly. (all real examples taken from the site).

Well, one of my items was -- have a photo shown in a gallery or at a show.

And... drum roll please. That is happening tonight! I hung up the photo this morning and the event is tonight! I am extraordinarily nervous. Will people like the photo? Will someone buy the photo? (oh please, oh please!)

I am also quite excited! I mean how cool is this! My photo is hanging on a wall (not my own) and people (not my family) will be looking at it!

Now, if I can just translate this exhilaration into action and keep looking for opportunities like this, I will be on a roll!

Ahhh, absence

Hello out there in Blog-land, please pardon my absence.

My creative soul has been in hiding these past months. Why has it been hiding you ask?

Good question, I say. Because really, it is a good question. Why is it that I seem to stop creating when I feel overwhelmed and attacked? I think a large part of my creative soul just goes into a protective fetal position. Just make it through the bad parts, it says to me. Don't risk anymore. Don't put yourself out there any more because something else bad may happen.

I don't want to do that anymore. Of course, I don't want to feel overwhelmed and attacked any more either, but ahhh, life. She never gives what we want does she?

I look back all the creative minds in our past, and how their struggles resulted in great art. I need to learn to channel that. Learn to take the hard parts and make them work for me. Make lemonade out of lemons... ahh, cliches, where would we be without them.

Of course, I feel like a bit of a whiner here. Is my life bad? Am I suffering? No. I am not. I have shelter. I have food. I am physically safe. I am loved by at least a few people. I am employed.

However, in my little sheltered bubble, times have been tough. I just try to take solace and not be too hard on myself and be grateful for what I have, while seeking... While seeking a fulfilling life.

"What would it be like if you lived each day, each breath, as a work of art in progress? Imagine that you are a Masterpiece unfolding, every second of every day, a work of art taking form with every breath." - Thomas Crum

Web sisters

I have found myself a group of "sisters" and I couldn't be happier.

I realize that it is 2010 and online forums have been around for quite some time, but I am a relative newcomer to anything more complex than e-mail when it comes to my online presence. I was always hesitant to join a group of people I couldn't see or hear. Call me old fashioned I guess, but it made me nervous.

I took the baby step a few years back and joined MySpace. I can honestly claim in was for the music. My favorite band in the world -- at that particular time in my life -- had a show coming up that I couldn't find information about anywhere else but MySpace. So I signed up. It was ok. I found old friends. Saw what folks had been up to since high school... It was good, but not life-changing.

Then came the next step. Facebook. Yep, there I was. Posting photos and following updates of people I hadn't actually talked to in years. But I was having fun.

Then I joined an online forum. I was nervous. I was scared. I didn't want to share too much, but I was sooo interested in what was being said by others. I was cautious.

Imagine my amazement and happiness when the forum turned out to be full of some of the most amazing women I have ever had the privilege to "meet." (ok, I have met two IRL :))

These women come from all over the world, range in ages, ethnicities, political and religious beliefs and interests... Yet, the common tie that brought us all together seems stronger than that.

There are disagreements occasionally sure. There are some harsh truths written about. There are raw feelings and emotions shared. But in the end, there is support. The type of support that is often hard to find -- the support that is there even when you screw up, the support that is there even when folks disagree with you, the support that is there even when you have a hard time supporting yourself.

As I have learned more about these women, my friendships with them are moving into my "real" world. I wonder about these women. I think of them when something reminds me of them. I worry about them when I know things are hard in their life.

What is my reason for posting this? In the end, it was just to ruminate about this group and my luck at finding it. And also to say thank you.

So to my "sisters," thank you.

"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one." - C.S. Lewis

What's in a word?

What's in a word? I have been thinking about this off and on for quite awhile. I am not quite sure what sparked this latest thought train, but it has slowly but steadily been chugging away in my brain for about a week.

What do I mean by "what's in a word?"

First example -- Alabaster vs. pale.

"She has such lovely alabaster skin" or "She is quite pale."

Hmm, I know which one I choose.

To me, alabaster brings images of beauty and class and many things wonderful, while pale gives me visions of frail and sickly things.

Another example -- make love vs. have sex.

Oh my lord, I think there is even a 50 Cent lyric about this... let me check...

Indeed I was right. Courtesy 50.

"I'm into having sex, I ain't into making love "

Actually, a very succinct way of expressing what I was thinking, thank you Mr. Cent.

There are so many more that I could list but those are the ones that came most quickly to mind.

It just brings such an interesting spin to language and the power that it has. Just ask Rahm Emanuel, Rush Limbaugh, Sarah Palin and the folks at Special Olympics. They have been embroiled in a national... ummm, snit? over the word "retard" and its use.

Remember the rhyme, sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me? Oh, how I vehemently disagree. Words can do such harm if used carelessly or with venom. The opposite is true, words have the power to calm, to express admiration, praise or love.

As I am writing this, I am thinking of how many facets this topic has in my mind. Just skimming the surface and I can think of so many things -- the power of political language, the 1st Amendment, grammar and how it can divide people along education lines just to name a few.

I think this will be something I post about again in the future. Just get my musings out there in the great land of the internet.

"The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug."

-Mark Twain

Big Ol' Snowball of... Negative Energy

Do you believe in the "Snowball Effect?"

I had honestly never given it much thought until recently.

It started with a simple comment, as so many things do.

I have started really focusing on getting in better shape. I am going to our local YMCA at least a few times a week. My boyfriend came with me the other day. On our way home I was mentioning how previously, I would get frustrated when working out because I never felt like I was getting results. Maybe I am impatient, maybe I am not working out effectively, maybe I just eat too darn much, who knows. The point was, that historically, I have gotten frustrated and ended up giving up.

My boyfriend said, well eventually, you will get started and then it will be the "Snowball Effect." Positive things will just keep piling on and you will notice more and more, and more quickly and more quickly...

Hmmm. Really? Maybe it is my mindset right now, but I have always seen the snowball as a large and scary thing.

How do I change my mindset? How do I start believing that positivity begets positivity? Right now, I am afraid I see positive things as individual beacons in a sea of negativity.

How do I change that sea into something more like this?